Thursday, November 17, 2011


What is a mom?  That is a question I ponder tonight as I sit here trying to get my child to go back to sleep at 12:15 am.  As he screams for the past 30 min I wonder if there is anyone else right now going through the same things I am at this very moment and what would that mom do?  Acutally, I have been wondering about my mothering skills all week and the guilt that comes along with it.  Am I good enough to get these kids through their toughest trials or will I crumble under the pressure.  Tonight it is feeling like I am crumbling as the tears pour down my face while my child is in his room screaming.  Do I just give in and go hold him like he wants or do I bear down and continue this fight we have started?  Do I take him to daycare when in my heart I know I should stay home with him  when he still isnt over his recent illness?  Do I expose my daughter to the harsh reality of life and competition or do I continue to boost her up and tell her she is the best at everything she tries? 

I wonder if dads have these same feelings.  Do they sit up at night thinking of the long list of things there children need or have to get done.  Do they wake up and realize that tomorrow is swimming and the swim bag didn't get packed?  Do they obsess about if there children are truly happy or just putting on a  show?  Do they feel that guilt that mothers so often get?  I know my children and the things going on with them cross my mind a gazillion times a day.  What does Alyssa have coming up this week and do I need to take care of anything before then.  Do dads know when the can food drive is at school or when is storytelling and ready writing?  When is the Christmas play and how long do I have to get her a dress to wear?  Is this something a mom only thinks about?

I know Stephen is a great dad and would go to the ends of the earth for his kids, but I sit here thinking about our differences.  He can sit and color for hours with Alyssa or play Wii with her.  I couldnt do that.  He can talk to her about the stars and planets and keep her attention, when I can't even discuss a tv show with her before I get frustrated from trying to explain the simplest meaning of a word.  He can get Caleb to go to sleep at any hour of the day, while I sit here struggling to get him back to sleep.  These are the things that my kids will remember about him, but w hat will they remember about me?  Will Alyssa appreciate the hours I spent helping at her school or even notice all the lunches I made her or buttons I sewed onshirts minutes before time to leave for school .  Will Caleb realize the hours I sat up at night praying God will comfort him back to sleep?  Will they know all the small things I took care of?  Should I care?  I do care because if it werent for those small moments something would be missing from their lives.  They might not realize it at first, but it would be noticeable. 

So I guess before you criticize a mother for the things they dont get right or the things they forget....think about all the things they do get right and tell them Thank YOU!

1 comment:

Nana said...

You are a wonderful Mom. You worry about those things because you really love your kids and you care. All you can do is the best you can do and say a lot of prayers. They will grow up to be great, loving people who will know how to love their children because of the way you loved them. Hang in there. It will get better. Love you lots.